Race, Gender and Media 10/29

                   Today in class we presented our media analysis projects. I presented a ridiculously long prezi over the movie "Crash". I really love that movie because it justifies why I started Never Be A Stupid Girl. If we would take advantage of the different cultures that we come encounter with everyday we would get a broader view of others and realize that we are actually more alike than different.
                       I also really liked the presentation on football quarterbacks. I thought that was a perfect example of a media analysis. I also thought about why I have never questioned that. It was nice to see and hear more about a predominant subject discussed in sports.
                   Overall, all of the presentations where awesome and I really was influenced to open my eyes to what message the media is trying to give and when and where to be analytical.

Race, Gender and Media 10/22

                     Today in class we talked about how advertising influences our perception of body image. Of everything that we talked about in class my perception of who I am was most influenced by body image in advertising. I first became self-conscious about my weight when I moved to Texas in 6th grade.
               The picture above on the left is me in 6th grade about four months before I moved to Texas and the picture of me on the left is me a couple of weeks ago at the age of 21.
              I was always in sports and had a lot of friends and even boyfriends! I started to compare my self in Texas to other girls in middle school. I think the difference was the demographic region. In Oklahoma I went to a very diverse school and looking different was normal. When I moved to Texas I was going to a predominately white school where everyone wanted to have long hair and be a size 0. I remember being on diets in middle school and I always stayed active. The show FAT CAMP came on MTV and I always wished I could go, so that I could be transformed over the summer. I know that this mindset could have been influenced by nothing else than advertising. My mom, sisters, friends never said anything about me being bigger or not good enough. I got these ideas from TV mainly. I wanted to be thin, popular, and the star of the anything like all the girls on the Disney channel.
               In high school I got taller and I was on the basketball team, so I thinned out. In my mind it wasn't exactly what I wanted but because I was involved in several sports I just told myself I may be bigger but I bet you I can run longer, throw longer and jump higher than the skinny girls! I had boyfriends and of course that's all I was thinking about in high-school was basketball, and boys.
              Now thanks to the healing grace of the Lord my mind has been transformed and know that my self worth is determined by me and no one else but me. I now would rather have a compliment on my intelligence and int intellect than my physical appearance. I am what the Lord says I am, I was made in His image.

I am Lovely.
   
                

Race, Gender and Media 10/15

                      Today was the day that has influenced me the most to proceed in my career as an African-American Female Journalist. The documentary we watched today was about the influence black newspapers had on the Civil Rights Movement. It also talked about how these Black owned newspapers helped literacy in the Black community as well as economical opportunity for the Black community as well. The Black newspapers gave people an opportunity to express their opinion and to stand up against injustice.
                      This video influenced me to think about how if it wasn't for the black newspapers a large number of Americans, both black and white and anything other would not have been fully aware of the truths about the lack of justice in the government systems and the civil cases in their own towns that were not being justified.
                      This documentary displayed the perseverance of African-Americans through this time. It makes me proud to be a part of that culture. Because of what they have done before me bringing light and truth to the public on a subject that was very sensitive but very relevant and very important for people to know about.
                         I want to do that with my career. I want to ask the hard questions.
                         I thought it was very ironic that we are taught in journalism class today to be neutral but then all that was in the newspaper was opinion. So which one is more important for society? Now we are taught to just present the facts and not chose a side. They did state facts about an event that happened such as exactly how many people where affected but the rest was opinion and persuasive articles that transformed the minds of all Americans.

Race, Gender and Media 10/8

I learned a lot of what we learned tonight in class in my Psychology of Women class I took Fall 2011. I thought it was awesome that we recognize what media has done to the image of what a woman is. I feel a responsibility to change this influence to a positive one. The video that we watched today to me is much deeper than advertising. I believe that the natural insecurity that women have inflames when we are only presented with things that we need to make us better or things to buy to fit in and be accepted.
As a christian the way I initially viewed this is that since the beginning of time when Adam and Eve were in the garden and they both ate the apple. Women have been cursed with feeling incomplete. Think about it. Eve was tempted from the serpent, she was told that if she eats of the apple she will have the power and knowledge of the Lord. She was told that she was not okay with her current state that she needed to do more to be more. Is that message not still being told to women today?

Race, Gender and Media 9/21

Class was awesome tonight. We talked about the images of race in the media. I learned a lot about this last summer in my news internship. Our objective was to diversify the newsroom as well as the media that we produce. The issues that we talked about today is the exact reason why our M.O. was and as a minority especially, still is to bring about diversity. I want to talk about through the stereotypes that the media has but on African-Americans have been influenced in a negative way.
In the African-American community many women have issues with self-worth and discontentment of their image. I believe that majority of this is due to the media. Black women are pressured to perm their hair straight or wear weave in order to not stand out. Then the issue of the color shade is very prominent to black women. Dark women are portrayed in movies and commercial as the harsh and "ghetto"and the light skinned woman was portrayed as the higher-class, stuck up woman. Regardless of shade the ultimate image they were striving for was the image of a white woman. There are now movements that encourage women to embrace their natural beauty but I still feel like newspapers, TV, and movies have a responsibility to think about the influence every character has on their viewers.

JOUR 4250 8/25

Today was the first day of classes for the 2011-2012 school year. It was also the first time meeting for my Race and Gender in the Media class. We are asked to post a blog every week discussing our opinions on the class session for that week. So for the next four months if a blog is labeled with the "JOUR 4250" and then a date I am referencing to what we talked about in class for that week. Besides those the rest will be my personal blogs. I will try to keep up with doing both often.

This week in class we got to know one another. We found out that not everyone in the class was a journalism student. That was very interesting and inspiring of the students who are not journalism students that they would step out of themselves and enroll in a class that may challenge their thoughts, and it's not required of them to do so.

Our first analyzing of the media was on the cover of the NTDaily and the Andrea Dodson video on YouTube.

The NTDaily we examined and we discovered the lack of diversity. I thought this was right up my alley. I transferred to UNT last year and one of the first things I noticed was the lack of diversity on campus. There are so many cultures and ethnicity's on campus and I was sitting next to a different type of person everyday in class. As a journalist I naturally as questions. I wondered if anyone else saw the opportunity at the tip of their fingers like I did. Not only would I get a great education but I would be able to be well rounded and open to different views. Which as a reporter we must be both. I then realized that the major issue is that UNT doesn't promote themselves as a diverse school. If asked they may say yes but as far as that being a major advantage in attending UNT, that is not there. I think the media outlets that we are provided here at UNT must represent the demographic of the people the paper or newscast is serving. So if the school is more populated with ethnicity's other than white and the whole newspaper staff is white then how are you truly serving different demographics. I don't think it is impossible. I do believe that people naturally think about what they are familiar with first.

The Dodson video was a great example of how the media can influence viewers and their perspective of another race. Imagine if someone is in a neighborhood that has no other race besides black people and have been living there their whole life. If this newscast is the only perception they have of black people it would have totally misrepresented the majority of blacks in America.
This makes me want to continue on in my aspirations in journalism. I want to change the way people think about stereotypes of others.

Heart Surgery

From the time that I heard the call,

I didn’t understand it all.
After going through dangers seen and unseen,
I finally discovered why my life wasn’t to be an ordinary American dream.
God was preparing me for something that was greater than me;
something far greater than what the natural eye could see.
It was only by his hands,
that everything has happened in his plan.
The times that I ran away;
God always redirected me to my place.
Praying through the night;
from using battered papers read from dim eyesight;
I didn’t understand why I had to believe for something that
my natural eyes couldn’t see,
but that’s the whole definition of faith;
and that’s simply to believe.
Many times I searched for answers to find out why I had to take this way,
but God always had a word to give me to encourage me to walk on by faith.
It was by faith that I believed.
It was by faith that I hoped to receive.
It was by faith that I saw what others didn’t see.
It was by faith that I believed God to take care of me.
I refused to believe the reports of man,
I yet held on to God’s plan.
I learned that it didn’t matter what others believed;
it was only about what God told me.
You are the man that God says you are,
a man equipped for spiritual war.
For every mighty man to become what he is today,
there had to be a struggle along the way.
Searching trying to find the truth,
may have landed you in a puddle of residue.
Walking through the valley of hell;
God still put in your mouth a testimony to share.
Even though satan has tried to claim your life,
God still held you throughout the night.
Comforting you;
protecting you too;
imparting in your head the wisdom of truth…
and the devil knew he couldn’t lay his hands on you…
Without hell there’s no tasting of heaven.
Without a test; there’s no testimony.
Without a struggle there’s no victory.
Without trying things; there would be no way of telling someone else how to come out of it.
Just as the prodigal son took a journey to the far country of life;
trying to find peace in the world’s limelight,
but when it was time to come home,
his Father was waiting to welcome him to where he belonged…
No matter what has happened along the way;
there’s still an answer in the walk of faith.
HOLD ON1

The Lord as been working in me in mighty ways this summer. Right now I feel like I'm not learning something huge everyday like I have been for almost 2 months now. This lesson that I've learned is probably one of the most important lessons I can learn. I didn't know I could be codependent on God's love. It looks something like this: When our relationship with the Lord feels the best when he's helping you with temptation, or solving huge issues you have in your life or it feels like a "spiritual high". Then there's this middle grown where you don't feel the Lord shifting things drastically, when you're not really struggling with much, when you're meeting with God everyday. You might feel as if God's backing off of you because you don't have any problems. I have felt like that the past couple of weeks and the Lord has revealed things to me that cancelled out all those doubts. First of all the Lord NEVER leaves your side in Romans 8:38-39 it says:


“ For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

It's crazy because I hate confusion and problems but when it comes to my relationship with the Lord before, I felt like if I have to be in a pit all of my life in order to stay close to Christ, that is what I want to do. If you have ever felt like this, this is an example of being codependent on God. We want Him when things are going all wrong but when things are going fine, we don't have much need or want for Him.  The Lord is calling us to realize that we have to learn from our battles so that we can go fourth and witness to others about the greatness of the Lord's grace. He is calling us to rejoice and give Him praise at ALL times because it is only by the grace of the Lord that your world is not being shaken at that particular moment when you feel like everything is OK.

At this stage in my heart transplant I am laying down on the surgery table, God is the surgeon. God revealed this to me and it's awesome. Imagine this He said, when you go into earthly heart surgery they put you to sleep so you the patient (me) are not active, there's not a lot of action going on with your body at all and you definitely don't see anything. The one who is working on your surgery are the ones working diligently to make sure that the heart transplant is successful and permanently, positively altered! Now think about the spiritual heart that you possess. To me, that was the answer to my confusion about this silence I was feeling from God. There is a difference between silence and absence. The Lord has never been absent from me but at times like the one I have been experiencing God is silently working within me. There are times in life where the Lord is showing you things left and right and everything is so clear and then there is a time where God is bringing everything together and planting your feet on solid ground. In order for the Lord to do this you have to make a decision that the solid rock is where you want to stand for the rest of your life. During the time where I felt like God was evidently showing me things is when He was getting me prepared for the decision. Around the same time that I said Yes to the Lord for the rest of my life is around the same time that I felt like I was not having revelations everyday and I felt silence from the Lord. At the very instance that I said "Yes, Lord on Your solid rock I will stand for the rest of my life," He began the heart surgery. He was done prepping the patient (last blog entry). He is making a permanent change within me. We can not do this on our own, we can not plant our feet on solid rock without the grace and mercy of The Lord Jesus Christ. So in this instance God is telling me, you can't see the change that I'm doing because it's too powerful for you. This is my time to do all the work, because I am the only one who will do it flawlessly, and forever you will be planted on a solid rock (Matt 7:24-25).

Psalm 40:2 says:
"He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand."

Rejoice in this brothers and sisters in Christ. If you are willing to let the Lord change your life. He will! NOTHING you are going through, or have struggled with in the past is too much for God to handle!
Your pit could be lust, homosexuality, anger, jealousy, drugs, lies, love of money, codependency, death, abortion, or non belief. There are so many more examples of what a pit is, but whatever the case may be trust me. The Lord, The Creator of the Universe, of YOU and Me. HE CAN HANDLE IT AND HE IS ANXIOUS RIGHT NOW, FOR YOU TO LET HIM!

This doesn't mean that life will never be hard again, because this is a broken world. It does mean that whatever comes your way, all glory to God you will not shift, your love for the Lord will be steadfast. Your eyes will forever be fixed on Him.

He bids me "Rise up," and well He may, for I have long enough been lying among the pots of worldliness. He is risen, I am risen in Him, why then should I cleave unto the dust? From lower loves, desires, pursuits, and aspirations, I would rise towards Him... But Lord, how can a stone rise, how can a lump of clay come away from the horrible pit? O raise me, draw me. Thy grace can do it. Send forth Thy Holy Spirit to kindle sacred flames of love in my heart, and I will continue to rise until I leave life and time behind me, and indeed come away.2

"Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away." (Song of Songs 2:10)


The surgery is still in process but I can see my vision getting more clear to see what God sees. My hearing is getting better so that I can hear with my heart. I'm beginning to hate what He hates and love what He loves. Most importantly the purpose for my life is now Him. My new heartbeat, beats for Him......... alone.






1.http://ambassadorsforthekingdom.net/category/fathers-day/
2. Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening, Morning, April 25(Nashville, TN:Thomas Nelson, 1994).

Prep the Patient

                                                  

                                             
I know I said that I would write the next blog on being lukewarm but thats not whats on my heart right now. It's not on my heart because I am not lukewarm. Sometimes we try to be the Holy Spirit and the Lord has told me this is your time to be the student so STOP preaching. Sometimes life can be so hard and you're wondering what the heck is going to happen. I know that all things happen for the goodness of God or all glory to God. Nothing just happens God always works, Blessed is the one that knows it.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." -Romans 12:2

The next thing step in my heart transplant is preping myself. God has been ready for me for almost
21 years and He was and still is waiting patiently for me to get ready. Like I said before I am not lukewarm so it's not that I'm getting ready for God to be the head of my life. This preperation is for what God's will is for me next. I don't know what it is either, but I know it's BIG! I'm in the door and the Lord has closed the door and locked it and threw away the key. To me the hardest part is over. In this relationship that I'm having with Christ we are doing very well thanks to Him! I have gotten to know Him a lot more on an intamite level. Now, its time for some fun. After two weeks of isolation from my friends. I have started to hang out with my friends a little more but I still feel like God is training me to make time for Him everyday! Because I have surrendered my life to Christ the Holy Spirit is more clear than before. Everday the Lord woo's me into his arms by using the Holy Spirit to tell me "It's that time, I want to spend time with you alone." Now ladies, isn't that what you want to hear from a man? I know I'm going to want to. God wants you to want Him the most. So with that direction I'm going to fall in love with myself. I'm going to treat myself just like Jesus would if He were still on the earth physically.

Last night I was watching the Monique Show and she was talking about dating yourself. I was so intrigued because that was exactly what I needed. I will never NEED a man again and right now I don't want just anyone. I'm not interested in trying to figure someone out or giving guys a chance when I know deep down it aint gonna happen!! So like my girl Fantasia said" I'm doin me!" I'm going on dates, Im getting dressed up, I'm taking my self out to eat, I'm making myself korney gifts all of that! One thing that Monique said on her show that had me rolling on the floor was:

"Ladies take yourself out to eat, go to somewhere fancy. Oh, you can't afford that? Well next time a man askes you out and he can't afford the fancy resteraunt you think you deserve. Don't be mad because you can't afford you either!"

I summarized that of course but that was too funny to my soul! We expect so much from men, we even make checklist sometimes of what type of man we want to marry. okay so make a checklist, men you too, come on I know I just made fun of women who do it but make one. Seriously, Go!

I trust you have made your checklist and if not remember God is watching! ha ha. Now, look at your list. Do you posses all the things you have on that list? Have you ever wondered that the things people put on a list are things that they don't posses. I know what you're thinking right now. "Well he/she is going to complete me." This is where the issue is we're looking for someone to "complete" us when in realty (and yes reality to a believer is through Holy Spirit lenses) we will never be complete until Jesus comes back with a tattoo on his thigh (Revelation 19:16) Yeah, I said it, A TATTOO! Look it up my sister/brother. And you thought thigh tattoo's were trashy and un lady like. And to the men it's not just a girl thing, the best man ALIVE did it! ha ha! Excuse me for getting off task I just had give that to you for free.
If you're looking for someone to make you feel better or to complete you, give it up. It's not going to happen. Maybe for a short while, but oh how eternity looks better! You may be saying that opposites attract, and for the most part you're right. But as a woman or man of God there is one thing that should be at the top of your list and that is a man or woman who loves the Lord with all his/her heart, soul, and mind. That is the one my friend that can never be compromised and always has to be the thing that you two have in common.

Be the person you described on that list and if you don't have somethings ask God to make you complete and to transform your mind on what a husband/boyfriend/wife/girlfriend should mean to you.

 One of my best friends Candace has taught me by example how to be in love with yourself. She knows that at the end of the day no one could love her  more than she loves her self besides Christ Jesus. Because of that she doesn't expect perfection from an imperfect being either girlfriend or boyfriend. I love that about her and I will cherish that lesson forever.

I'm doing this diet for 40 days called HCG and I'm determined to do it all the way. With the help of God I will get through it in the name of Jesus. I have to be honest I did have to make sure I was doing this for the right reasons. First of all if I complain about something I'm going to do something to fix the situation. I'm about to get personal, I hope you don't mind. Second, I've battled that pouch for YEARS and its about time that I get rid of it.Third it well help me stop from saying "I'm gorgeous...but if I could just have a flat stomach"  and Fourth, I'm publishing this on the internet setting this goal so I have to stick to it or the next time you see me you won't be like uhhh? ha ha! Most importantly I'm doing this for me. Like my man Drake said "slimin' down preparing for summer, but she don't do it for the man, man never notice, she just do it for herself, she the freakin' coldest."  I have to love myself as much as Jesus Christ loves me! Loving the things that he loves and hating the things that he hates. I'm not saying he hates people that don't look like beyonce, but he does not like when you compare yourself to people.

"Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else," -Galatians 6:3-5

Loving myself doesn't mean being conceited or arrogant. It means valuing yourself, cherishing yourself, taking care of YOURSELF that includes your OWN relationship with Christ, your skin, hair,toes, nails, clothes,and body.

Go ahead look at yourself in the mirror and say "I look good!" "I'm wonderful" "I'm fearless" because you are! I know because in the bible David told us what God thinks of us.

 For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
                              -Psalm 139:13-18

It is important that we realize that the creator of the universe, God, deeply loves us and that, that love ALONE is ALL WE NEED. That it is not man on earth that determines our value. We are who God says we are. 
It is important that we love ourselfs like Christ loves us because if we don't we start to depend on others to make us feel loved and that my sister/brother in Christ is called "codependency" and that is an idol. It is the hardest to let go of. Trust me,  it's a part of my testimony.

"When you begin to truly believe that the Lord of the universe loves you unconditionally, you will trust the Holy Spirit within without any hesitation."
"When you begin to truly love yourself  like Christ loves you,  you can trust that voice inside without any hesitation."
                                                                 - Ashley Benson

Walked into the hospital and He locked the door behind me.

Thank you God for always being there for me. Thank you for being The One. Thank you for what you've done already and for what you are molding now and what you are going to do in the future. I trust you Lord may my heart be content with your plan and your way. It is only by your grace. Thank you for being my comfort, thank you that you have made me realize that I am no ones but yours. Thank you for helping me realize that I am not of this earth that the reason why I feel so odd sometimes is because my soul longs to be home with you God. I pray that I my soul would never take its eyes off of you. Amen.


I don't know what I am writing about today. When it seems like nothing else can go wrong... it does. When you feel like God is right behind you and then something happens in front and your forget that God is there and then you turn your back to walk away and you don't even acknowledge Christ. Am I the only one that understands what I am talking about right now? That's okay, I suppose, because this isn't really for anyone but me to understand. Sometimes I get in these moods where there is so much going on, or it feels like it there is, and it becomes overwhelming and I don't know where to begin. It is the most frustrating thing ON EARTH. It's the most frustrating thing on earth for there to be so much to do that it seems hopeless. We can think about this when we think about the world and its overall issues like AIDS, Cancer, Global Warming, the war etc... We know there are so many things that need to be done but we don't know where to start. So half of the world does nothing because they are consumed by the hopelessness and then there is the other half that does what they can and keeps in mind that every great thing started with one step.

All it take is one word to start a sentence. BUT YOU HAVE to start.

Now this relates to me as an individual and I'm sure it would to everyone else on earth. Micheal Jackson has a song that goes "If you want to make the world a better place you better look at yourself and make a change". I am really about to take his advice! My goal in life is not to be rich but to be stable enough to give as much as I have received. In order to help others I must get me right. You know that I am a believer in Christ and if you have read my previous post you would know that I have now been in this dating relationship with Christ for one week and four days. It feels like it has been so much longer than that but I am so thankful for this time because He is teaching me something everyday. I once wrote in my journal that if God were going to take something away, he would just have to remove the feelings but that he was going to have to give me a brand new heart. Well my friends its about that time I get ready for surgery. God allowed me to have one more weekend outside the hospital but now its time that I go and when I did yesterday Jesus shut the door and locked it. Jeremiah 29:13 says:


"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

My passion in life is to seek God with all of my heart. God is revealing Himself to me fully because I have given Him ALL of my life.
Minister Beth Moore said in her bible study that God often places His servants in positions to test their reasoning. God wants to see what you are going to do. Are we going to think like Christ or are we going to think like the world? The more I get to know the heart of God the more I start to think like God. I am living for the Lord and Him alone. Nothing is bigger than him, no problem is bigger than him. Because I have accepted the Lord as my savior He is on my side. Doesn't that give you so much confidence in your relationship with Christ. The lord is sovereign he is in total control he gives nothing and take nothing without a purpose. I believe that the Lord is being so gracious to me right now, giving me this time to be attached to Him. I pray that the Lord calls you to isolation like he has done to me so that by the end you may have a solid foundation and you can live life with true freedom. To read more about the sovereignty of God click on this link.
What is it mean that God is sovereign?

Read 1 Corinthians 1:26-31.
The passage talks about how we have worldly standards and then he describes how he uses the weak to teach the strong, the foolish to shame the wise so that no man can boast and that we can only boast in the Lord.

The way you live your life should             look different than the rest of the world, than everyone else around you. The way we interact with friends, the way our intimate relationships work, the way men pursue women, the way women wait for The man patiently, the way our lives revolve around the time we spend with the Lord. Man I love the Freedom in the Lord.

This passage speaks to me in the sense that sometimes I feel unworthy, I feel like I'm not good enough to be used by the Lord, or I'm not good enough for the Lord to choose me. BUT HE DID.
The Lord can use anyone if you except him as your savior and are willing to have an open heart so that God can do surgery on it. NOTHING IS TOO BAD FOR GOD.
Psalm 139:12 " Even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day for darkness is as light with you."
He can use you just like he is using me, but the time is RIGHT NOW God wants you right now. Say these words if your ready for God to change your heart.

-----I am a sinner and I know that I can not earn eternal life. I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and I believe that he is the son of God. I believe that He died on the cross for my sins and rose on the third day so that I could have eternal life. Forgive me for my sins and live in my heart through the Holy Spirit. I commit my life to love and serve you Lord. Thank you for my new salvation and my new heart. Lord I am weak but I know that you are strong. You can take these desires out of my life. I pray that you would change my heart to love what you love and to hate what you hate. Give me the burning desire to live for you! Lord give me a heart like yours.

Like the Holy Spirit RUSHED into David in 1 Samuel 16:13, the Holy Spirit has just rushed into you. It rushed because God could not wait! All it took was for your heart to speak! The angels are singing and right now I am worshiping and praising the Lord for his grace and mercy and love for my brother or sister in Christ!


When I started this entry for the day I didn't know what I was going to write about but thank the Lord he gave me the will to just start typing and eventually he spoke to me. Brothers and Sisters in Christ that's all it takes if for you to be willing to do what God is asking you to do. It starts with one word. If you were not a believer before you read the entry above and excepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, well then welcome to the family I will be seeing you ;) For those of you that think your saved but you don't live your life for Christ come back tomorrow, it's all for you. Those of you who are saved realize that we have to be able to hear God in order to obey Him. We have to take the time for Him like he has taken the time patiently for us. I promise if you giving God your time He will never stand you up :)

GOD IS LOVE,

NBASG

Being pursued by a King for 20 years: The Begining...and it was good.

God thinks about me more than the grains of the sand on the beach.
God saved me before my parents even thought of me.
Jesus prays for me on the right hand side of God.
God loves me more than I can love my self.

At The Village Church where I go to in Flower Mound, Texas there was a singles conference the title was The Kingdoms at Hand: Don't waist your singleness. The first night was hard, God revealed to me things he wanted me to do and what I would be sacrificing if I didn't do it. I knew God was calling me to do things but I didn't know exactly what and I didn't know when he wanted me to do it. The next and final day of the conference God answered all my questions, he gave me peace about everything and he added a pile of wood to my flame that made it roar like you couldn't believe!
The first thing He called me to do is end this grey area with men. He is doing this because all my life one of my idol has been men. It started when I was young and I was jealous of my sisters for having boyfriends, and then when I was in the 9th grade I had this fleshly desire for a father, in my head having that figure would complete me and I thought that having a father was the only thing that would help me through the stage I was going through. God soon stepped in and revealed to me that He was MY father and I was His daughter, that all I needed was Him! Oh, how I wish I could say and since then my life has been great. Imagine this, forgiving someone but knowing that they are going to do it again. Imagine the grief knowing that they will have to learn the hard way. As I look back it breaks my heart to know that's what Jesus went through that with me, but you know what? It broke his heart more. Later on in high school I began to get attention from boys, older boys at that, what high school girl do you know, doesn't like that? I loved it. It was like same sin, different form. I began to get into serious relationships with boys, about three until I would get into my fourth and last not knowing it was about to rock my world...and I'm not talking dirty. This relationship turned my life around. At the beginning I thought it was for the worst but now I see He's doing it so that many may see His work. For now that's all you need to know about that.

  The other thing God has called me to do is limit the time I spend with my friends because he has invited me have a relationship with Jesus and it's going to take up most of my time. Imagine this God is the father of Christ and God is allowing me to date his son. That's what God has called me to do. DATE JESUS! This command is only from God because at this time I want no one but Jesus. You may think well that's going to be a little hard Ashley. You can't go on dates with him, or talk to him , or kiss him or make all those Korney gifts for him like you did all your other boyfriends. In some cases you might be right but Jesus can meet all of those desires if you let him. God has stirred this passion in my heart to get to know someone that will never forsake me. He is filling a whole that I thought my father was supposed to fill and then be replaced by my husband one day. God has revealed to me that He is the missing piece. In 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 Paul is talking to the unmarried and the widowed and he says:

" I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about the worldly things , how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, BUT TO PROMOTE GOOD ORDER AND TO SECURE YOUR UNDIVIDED DEVOTION TO THE LORD."

Just FYI in 1 Corinthians 7:6 Paul says

"Now as a concession, not a command I say this."

So it is not a sin to get married. Concession means to yield at a point or thing. So he is saying "I'm not telling you it can't give glory to God but I am telling you there is struggle within it."

The most important part I want to draw from this idea is part of the last sentence in this passage
                              "Secure your undivided devotion to the Lord."

Right now I do not believe that God has called me to be single for the rest of my life but I do believe that God needs me to take this time to devote only to Jesus Christ so that I can understand even when I'm in a relationship and eventually married my mind, body, soul and heart should still be devoted to Him, the Lord Jesus Christ. In order to do that God knows that I have to have a SOLID foundation so that it can withstand any and every hardship that is sure to come to break down my soul.

 So I don't want you to think that I'm this 20 year-old woman harping on marriage. Trust me I'm not, it's been on my mind lately and me feeding my discontentment is not helping me. (That topic is for another post!) I know that God is preparing me for the rest of His battle I call my life and I know that marriage is in there. Marriage is a big deal, bigger than any relationship you can have with your mom, brothers, sisters, or friends. Marriage is the mingling of souls its when the woman belongs to the man and the man to the woman. No other relationships importance is expressed that way in The Bible. So we must not forget the significance of it and at the same time we must be aware it can be a strong idol. We must also not forget that our friends can be idols when we are going to them instead of Christ for advice or help which  brings me back to my goal of having a secure devotion to Christ. Through the grace of God he has fixed my eyes on Him alone.
The most important thing I believe I will learn in this time is who Christ is and understand who I am IN Christ. I don't care anymore to find out what the world will say I am. People always say you can't love another until you love yourself.  What people should have been saying is you can't love another until you know what love is! My flesh is bowing down to my soul (Lamentations 3:20) and I understand I can't truly love God until I understand God's love for me. I can't love another man, I can't intertwine my soul with anyone else on earth until I am secure in God's love and knowing that it is all I need. This is not the love when you say "I love my ipod." This is unconditional love, unchanging love, God's Love.
I've been single for 1 year and 7 months to all the Glory be to God that he allowed me time to cry on his shoulders, and then he wiped them away, then he taught me things about my self, and he taught me about Himself.
 In Deuteronomy 6:14 it says,
                                  "shall not after other gods, the gods of the peoples who are around you, for the Lord you God in the midst is a jealous God, lest the anger of the Lord your God kindled against you, and he destroy you from off the face of the earth."

God has had enough of me "living right" and then falling into my idols power. Jesus has been pursuing me for 20 years to fall in love with him, now I am in love with the most high and Thank God for his grace and gift of my man Jesus Christ who is going to teach me how to love!

I will continue this journey with Christ and I will blog every day God willing!

LOVE,PEACE, AND REMEMBER TO ASK YOURSELF IS THIS BETTER THAN GOD'S LOVE?

Never Be A Stupid Girl,

Ash B.

All it takes is for you to surrender and to press into God, He's waiting patiently.