Heart Surgery

From the time that I heard the call,

I didn’t understand it all.
After going through dangers seen and unseen,
I finally discovered why my life wasn’t to be an ordinary American dream.
God was preparing me for something that was greater than me;
something far greater than what the natural eye could see.
It was only by his hands,
that everything has happened in his plan.
The times that I ran away;
God always redirected me to my place.
Praying through the night;
from using battered papers read from dim eyesight;
I didn’t understand why I had to believe for something that
my natural eyes couldn’t see,
but that’s the whole definition of faith;
and that’s simply to believe.
Many times I searched for answers to find out why I had to take this way,
but God always had a word to give me to encourage me to walk on by faith.
It was by faith that I believed.
It was by faith that I hoped to receive.
It was by faith that I saw what others didn’t see.
It was by faith that I believed God to take care of me.
I refused to believe the reports of man,
I yet held on to God’s plan.
I learned that it didn’t matter what others believed;
it was only about what God told me.
You are the man that God says you are,
a man equipped for spiritual war.
For every mighty man to become what he is today,
there had to be a struggle along the way.
Searching trying to find the truth,
may have landed you in a puddle of residue.
Walking through the valley of hell;
God still put in your mouth a testimony to share.
Even though satan has tried to claim your life,
God still held you throughout the night.
Comforting you;
protecting you too;
imparting in your head the wisdom of truth…
and the devil knew he couldn’t lay his hands on you…
Without hell there’s no tasting of heaven.
Without a test; there’s no testimony.
Without a struggle there’s no victory.
Without trying things; there would be no way of telling someone else how to come out of it.
Just as the prodigal son took a journey to the far country of life;
trying to find peace in the world’s limelight,
but when it was time to come home,
his Father was waiting to welcome him to where he belonged…
No matter what has happened along the way;
there’s still an answer in the walk of faith.
HOLD ON1

The Lord as been working in me in mighty ways this summer. Right now I feel like I'm not learning something huge everyday like I have been for almost 2 months now. This lesson that I've learned is probably one of the most important lessons I can learn. I didn't know I could be codependent on God's love. It looks something like this: When our relationship with the Lord feels the best when he's helping you with temptation, or solving huge issues you have in your life or it feels like a "spiritual high". Then there's this middle grown where you don't feel the Lord shifting things drastically, when you're not really struggling with much, when you're meeting with God everyday. You might feel as if God's backing off of you because you don't have any problems. I have felt like that the past couple of weeks and the Lord has revealed things to me that cancelled out all those doubts. First of all the Lord NEVER leaves your side in Romans 8:38-39 it says:


“ For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

It's crazy because I hate confusion and problems but when it comes to my relationship with the Lord before, I felt like if I have to be in a pit all of my life in order to stay close to Christ, that is what I want to do. If you have ever felt like this, this is an example of being codependent on God. We want Him when things are going all wrong but when things are going fine, we don't have much need or want for Him.  The Lord is calling us to realize that we have to learn from our battles so that we can go fourth and witness to others about the greatness of the Lord's grace. He is calling us to rejoice and give Him praise at ALL times because it is only by the grace of the Lord that your world is not being shaken at that particular moment when you feel like everything is OK.

At this stage in my heart transplant I am laying down on the surgery table, God is the surgeon. God revealed this to me and it's awesome. Imagine this He said, when you go into earthly heart surgery they put you to sleep so you the patient (me) are not active, there's not a lot of action going on with your body at all and you definitely don't see anything. The one who is working on your surgery are the ones working diligently to make sure that the heart transplant is successful and permanently, positively altered! Now think about the spiritual heart that you possess. To me, that was the answer to my confusion about this silence I was feeling from God. There is a difference between silence and absence. The Lord has never been absent from me but at times like the one I have been experiencing God is silently working within me. There are times in life where the Lord is showing you things left and right and everything is so clear and then there is a time where God is bringing everything together and planting your feet on solid ground. In order for the Lord to do this you have to make a decision that the solid rock is where you want to stand for the rest of your life. During the time where I felt like God was evidently showing me things is when He was getting me prepared for the decision. Around the same time that I said Yes to the Lord for the rest of my life is around the same time that I felt like I was not having revelations everyday and I felt silence from the Lord. At the very instance that I said "Yes, Lord on Your solid rock I will stand for the rest of my life," He began the heart surgery. He was done prepping the patient (last blog entry). He is making a permanent change within me. We can not do this on our own, we can not plant our feet on solid rock without the grace and mercy of The Lord Jesus Christ. So in this instance God is telling me, you can't see the change that I'm doing because it's too powerful for you. This is my time to do all the work, because I am the only one who will do it flawlessly, and forever you will be planted on a solid rock (Matt 7:24-25).

Psalm 40:2 says:
"He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand."

Rejoice in this brothers and sisters in Christ. If you are willing to let the Lord change your life. He will! NOTHING you are going through, or have struggled with in the past is too much for God to handle!
Your pit could be lust, homosexuality, anger, jealousy, drugs, lies, love of money, codependency, death, abortion, or non belief. There are so many more examples of what a pit is, but whatever the case may be trust me. The Lord, The Creator of the Universe, of YOU and Me. HE CAN HANDLE IT AND HE IS ANXIOUS RIGHT NOW, FOR YOU TO LET HIM!

This doesn't mean that life will never be hard again, because this is a broken world. It does mean that whatever comes your way, all glory to God you will not shift, your love for the Lord will be steadfast. Your eyes will forever be fixed on Him.

He bids me "Rise up," and well He may, for I have long enough been lying among the pots of worldliness. He is risen, I am risen in Him, why then should I cleave unto the dust? From lower loves, desires, pursuits, and aspirations, I would rise towards Him... But Lord, how can a stone rise, how can a lump of clay come away from the horrible pit? O raise me, draw me. Thy grace can do it. Send forth Thy Holy Spirit to kindle sacred flames of love in my heart, and I will continue to rise until I leave life and time behind me, and indeed come away.2

"Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away." (Song of Songs 2:10)


The surgery is still in process but I can see my vision getting more clear to see what God sees. My hearing is getting better so that I can hear with my heart. I'm beginning to hate what He hates and love what He loves. Most importantly the purpose for my life is now Him. My new heartbeat, beats for Him......... alone.






1.http://ambassadorsforthekingdom.net/category/fathers-day/
2. Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening, Morning, April 25(Nashville, TN:Thomas Nelson, 1994).