God thinks about me more than the grains of the sand on the beach.
God saved me before my parents even thought of me.
Jesus prays for me on the right hand side of God.
God loves me more than I can love my self.
At The Village Church where I go to in Flower Mound, Texas there was a singles conference the title was The Kingdoms at Hand: Don't waist your singleness. The first night was hard, God revealed to me things he wanted me to do and what I would be sacrificing if I didn't do it. I knew God was calling me to do things but I didn't know exactly what and I didn't know when he wanted me to do it. The next and final day of the conference God answered all my questions, he gave me peace about everything and he added a pile of wood to my flame that made it roar like you couldn't believe!
The first thing He called me to do is end this grey area with men. He is doing this because all my life one of my idol has been men. It started when I was young and I was jealous of my sisters for having boyfriends, and then when I was in the 9th grade I had this fleshly desire for a father, in my head having that figure would complete me and I thought that having a father was the only thing that would help me through the stage I was going through. God soon stepped in and revealed to me that He was MY father and I was His daughter, that all I needed was Him! Oh, how I wish I could say and since then my life has been great. Imagine this, forgiving someone but knowing that they are going to do it again. Imagine the grief knowing that they will have to learn the hard way. As I look back it breaks my heart to know that's what Jesus went through that with me, but you know what? It broke his heart more. Later on in high school I began to get attention from boys, older boys at that, what high school girl do you know, doesn't like that? I loved it. It was like same sin, different form. I began to get into serious relationships with boys, about three until I would get into my fourth and last not knowing it was about to rock my world...and I'm not talking dirty. This relationship turned my life around. At the beginning I thought it was for the worst but now I see He's doing it so that many may see His work. For now that's all you need to know about that.
The other thing God has called me to do is limit the time I spend with my friends because he has invited me have a relationship with Jesus and it's going to take up most of my time. Imagine this God is the father of Christ and God is allowing me to date his son. That's what God has called me to do. DATE JESUS! This command is only from God because at this time I want no one but Jesus. You may think well that's going to be a little hard Ashley. You can't go on dates with him, or talk to him , or kiss him or make all those Korney gifts for him like you did all your other boyfriends. In some cases you might be right but Jesus can meet all of those desires if you let him. God has stirred this passion in my heart to get to know someone that will never forsake me. He is filling a whole that I thought my father was supposed to fill and then be replaced by my husband one day. God has revealed to me that He is the missing piece. In 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 Paul is talking to the unmarried and the widowed and he says:
" I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about the worldly things , how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, BUT TO PROMOTE GOOD ORDER AND TO SECURE YOUR UNDIVIDED DEVOTION TO THE LORD."
Just FYI in 1 Corinthians 7:6 Paul says
"Now as a concession, not a command I say this."
So it is not a sin to get married. Concession means to yield at a point or thing. So he is saying "I'm not telling you it can't give glory to God but I am telling you there is struggle within it."
The most important part I want to draw from this idea is part of the last sentence in this passage
"Secure your undivided devotion to the Lord."
Right now I do not believe that God has called me to be single for the rest of my life but I do believe that God needs me to take this time to devote only to Jesus Christ so that I can understand even when I'm in a relationship and eventually married my mind, body, soul and heart should still be devoted to Him, the Lord Jesus Christ. In order to do that God knows that I have to have a SOLID foundation so that it can withstand any and every hardship that is sure to come to break down my soul.
So I don't want you to think that I'm this 20 year-old woman harping on marriage. Trust me I'm not, it's been on my mind lately and me feeding my discontentment is not helping me. (That topic is for another post!) I know that God is preparing me for the rest of His battle I call my life and I know that marriage is in there. Marriage is a big deal, bigger than any relationship you can have with your mom, brothers, sisters, or friends. Marriage is the mingling of souls its when the woman belongs to the man and the man to the woman. No other relationships importance is expressed that way in The Bible. So we must not forget the significance of it and at the same time we must be aware it can be a strong idol. We must also not forget that our friends can be idols when we are going to them instead of Christ for advice or help which brings me back to my goal of having a secure devotion to Christ. Through the grace of God he has fixed my eyes on Him alone.
The most important thing I believe I will learn in this time is who Christ is and understand who I am IN Christ. I don't care anymore to find out what the world will say I am. People always say you can't love another until you love yourself. What people should have been saying is you can't love another until you know what love is! My flesh is bowing down to my soul (Lamentations 3:20) and I understand I can't truly love God until I understand God's love for me. I can't love another man, I can't intertwine my soul with anyone else on earth until I am secure in God's love and knowing that it is all I need. This is not the love when you say "I love my ipod." This is unconditional love, unchanging love, God's Love.
I've been single for 1 year and 7 months to all the Glory be to God that he allowed me time to cry on his shoulders, and then he wiped them away, then he taught me things about my self, and he taught me about Himself.
In Deuteronomy 6:14 it says,
"shall not after other gods, the gods of the peoples who are around you, for the Lord you God in the midst is a jealous God, lest the anger of the Lord your God kindled against you, and he destroy you from off the face of the earth."
God has had enough of me "living right" and then falling into my idols power. Jesus has been pursuing me for 20 years to fall in love with him, now I am in love with the most high and Thank God for his grace and gift of my man Jesus Christ who is going to teach me how to love!
I will continue this journey with Christ and I will blog every day God willing!
LOVE,PEACE, AND REMEMBER TO ASK YOURSELF IS THIS BETTER THAN GOD'S LOVE?
Never Be A Stupid Girl,
Ash B.
All it takes is for you to surrender and to press into God, He's waiting patiently.
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